There are things I “believe.” There are things I “suspect.” And then there are things that I “know.” I want to tell you one of those right now:

We are creatures of habit, and in a very real way, our habits dictate what our life will be.

The act of changing your life is nothing more than changing your habits. So how do you do that? Easy. One step at at a time.

The WORST way to try to change any habit is to struggle. The BEST way is to make a plan to begin very gradually adding something NEW into your life–and be consistent. It’s not enough to just want to get rid of some aspect of your personality, an old habit like limiting beliefs for example; you must also add a NEW habit to takes it’s place.

Nature abhors a vacuum. Trying to eliminate something from your life only works well when you replace it with something else. So adding a new habit is the most powerful thing you can do to overcome an old one. It is a pro-active step, and it puts YOU in charge of your life and your future.

For example, if you have limiting beliefs about money and your ability to create wealth, you can change this by making a plan, and starting some new habits like repeating pro-wealth affirmations and writing a gratitude list daily.

If you do this for 3-4 weeks, it will become a new habit; a habit you can expand on. Then those negative beliefs (just habits) will begin to have some serious competition. After a while, you can add more new habits, like visualizing yourself living the life you want every day–and then twice a day, three times, four times…

You can start as small as you like. As long as you Do NOT QUIT and you keep slowly expanding, you WILL get there. In a few months your mental habits will be very different from what they are today, and you will attract very different (and better) results.

The law if attraction is a simple idea: what you think about matters and has an impact on your life. You can change what you think about by gradually developing new thought habits that replace the old ones. When you begin to fill up your days with positive actions and thoughts, soon there will be no room left on there for the negative, the unwanted, and the un-useful.

Start today, start now. Add one new positive habit this week. And then another next week, etc. Before you know it, things begin to snowball into a major life change and you’re attracting more and more of the life you want. The life you deserve.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Jon

PS: If you need some help and motivation to break out of a rut, check out Getting Unstuck. That’s exactly what it is for.

Why does the law of attraction not seem to work for some people? This is a topic that’s been covered many times before, but I want to look at it from a different angle. I sometimes get e-mails from people who have been trying to use the law of attraction to improve some aspect of their life, but without much success.

In almost all of these cases the person has some sort of emotional block about what they are trying to attract — whether it’s money, a new relationship, job, car, whatever. And the truth is we all have blocks in certain areas — most of us have baggage from our past, and if we don’t “air it out” and deal with it, it can poison our emotions and state of mind, causing us to attract unwanted things into our lives.

Here’s an example: my friend CG sent me an e-mail telling me about his experiences using the law of attraction to gain financial security, improving his income and his standard of living. But he also mentioned he had been trying to use the exact same techniques to attract a better relationship with his family, but he hadn’t been very successful in this area — yet.

This isn’t really surprising because many of us have baggage and “issues” relating to our families. Sometimes it is sibling rivalry;  sometimes it’s as simple as not feeling appreciated by family members, or having them treat you as if you were still 10 years old! To make matters even worse, these kinds of blocks are usually buried deep in our subconscious, making them difficult to understand and deal with.

I also have blocks in certain areas that I have become aware of over the years — and perhaps I have blocks in other areas I am not even aware of (haha). Here’s my rule of thumb for dealing with these kind of deep-seated issues that are causing you to attract things you don’t want:

If you can’t get over it, learn to accept it.

Sometimes we have baggage that we’re just not ready to let go of on a deeper level and it becomes like a sore spot in our life. Now ask yourself, what do you do if you have a sore spot on your body? Obviously, you see a doctor and get it fixed if you can. But if it won’t heal completely and it becomes a chronic problem, the best advice is simply don’t mess with it, and don’t focus on it.

What we are talking about here is ACCEPTANCE. We have to improve what we can, and learn to accept those things we cannot change. Now, to some people this sounds like simply giving up. They believe that if they accept their baggage or emotional issues, then these things will be with them forever and their situation will never improve. But fortunately, that is usually not the case.

Many times, accepting an aspect of ourself we don’t like actually begins the healing process. We have to make peace with who we are: the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you’ve tried to change a situation unsuccessfully for any length of time, it is time to upgrade your strategy — STOP trying to change it and learn to accept and even appreciate it as a part of your overall personality. Ironically, doing this often improves the problem substantially. There’s an old Buddhist saying that explains this phenomenon:

“If you focus on something too intensely, your energy will push it away.”

Some people struggle and try so hard to attract something into their life that their energy ends up pushing it away. That is why practicing the law of attraction as a philosophy should always be done with an easy-going spirit and a joyful heart. Take it seriously, but NOT so seriously that it becomes work or a chore. It should be a fun and positive experience.

If it seems like hard work, you’re doing something wrong!

So here’s my best advice: make having fun and enjoying yourself a top priority in your life, no matter what! When you are in a positive, happy state of mind, your vibration immediately changes and you begin attracting very different circumstances. So do everything you can to feel as good as possible as often as possible. And don’t forget to share those good feelings with others (this just magnifies the effect).

Remember, the law of attraction is not brain surgery — keep it light, easy and joyful and you’ll get MUCH further in attracting the life you really want!

It’s a strange quirk of human nature that some people only seem to appreciate people who have problems. They can actually get offended in the presence of someone who has a great life and lives in a state of gratitude. It does not give them comfort to see someone else doing well, enjoying live, and living in gratitude.

People like this tend to only be happy when others join them in their misery. Unfortunately, until they learn to appreciate happy and grateful people, they will never become a happy and grateful person themselves. And so their cycle of misery continues…

We’ve all experienced them, and probably the trickiest part of learning to use the law of attraction is learning how to handle social situations and relationships with negative, complaining people. After all, we don’t want to be rude or antisocial — but we DO want to attract better things into our lives. This means that we must sometimes make some hard choices about the people we spend time with.

It’s no great secret that not everyone in the world believes in the law of attraction, or recognizes the timeless principles of attraction. So how can we deal with the “naysayers” and continue to be outgoing, social people, even among those who are clearly attracting bad circumstances into their lives?

For me, the answer has always been about BALANCE. It’s not necessary to live like a hermit, or to only associate with like-minded people in order to practice the law of attraction. But sometimes it is necessary to “fire” some of your old friends, or at least stop spending as much time with them. This is unfortunate, but it’s just life. Besides, if an old friend or acquaintance has values and beliefs that are completely at odds with yours, you’re probably not doing them any favors by continuing to hang out with them — you’re simply not in vibrational alignment.

In these situations it can be necessary to move on and attract some new friends. But here’s where balance comes into play: it’s not necessary to do this with every single friend or acquaintance who doesn’t share your beliefs or values. It’s a judgment call, and you have to weigh what you’re getting out of the relationship, versus any bad affects it may be having on your state of mind.

At the end of the day, your state of mind is the most valuable thing you own; it should be nurtured and protected at all times. If continuing an old relationship is ruining your state of mind, then it’s a no-brainer — you need to get out of the relationship. Again, balance is the keyword. You don’t have to share a common philosophy with ALL of your friends and acquaintances. But you DO have to get something positive out of your relationship with them. Otherwise, who is really benefiting from it?

Everyone who has studied the law of attraction is aware of the importance of keeping a positive state of mind.

One of the most basic concepts of the law of attraction is that your state of mind has a “magnetic” property to it (for lack of a better word), and that you attract people, circumstances, and abundance (or lack) according to your your dominant mindset. If your mindset is primarily positive, and you focus on abundance, prosperity, good health, and other positive things, the law of attraction says you will tend to attract positive circumstances. But on the other hand, if your mindset is primarily one of lack and limitation, you will tend to attract these unwanted things as well.

In other words, the law of attraction is an honest broker — it does not judge your request; it simply gives you MORE of what you are already resonating. With this in mind, I want to address a question that I’ve received from many of my personal coaching clients: “Does this mean that we have to stay in a carefree, happy, Pollyanna-like state of mind 24/7 in order to attract good things?

My answer to this is simple: no.

We are ALL imperfect human beings, and it is not necessary (or even desirable) to hold yourself to a higher standard than that. Because we are fallible human beings, we don’t always live up to our best ideals. This is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and people who stress too much about trying to attain perfection in their state of mind can often drive themselves a little “loopy” in the process. It’s important to recognize that you’re only human, and do your best to maintain a state of mind that will attract what you want in your life — but you must also balance this with an understanding and acceptance of your own fallible nature as a human being.

It’s okay not to be perfect at this stuff — it really is. The law of attraction is not a harsh, unforgiving “boss,” watching over your shoulder 24/7, and just waiting for an opportunity to bring you down. Here’s an example: because “like attracts like,” it is not a good idea to go through your life being angry. This will tend to attract ill will and angry circumstances into your experience — something I’m sure you do not want.

However… that does not mean that it is NEVER appropriate to be angry, and in certain situations I believe it can actually be useful. I had a coaching client last year (let’s call him “Jim”) who was feeling horribly depressed, and had lost all self-esteem because of a series of devastating rejections and betrayals in his life. Because he was a keen law of attraction follower, he tried his best to never get angry or upset about what had happened. Which seems like a reasonable thing to do because after all, he didn’t want to attract more angry circumstances and people into his life, did he?

But because he had “swallowed” his anger about these betrayals and rejections and refused to feel at any outrage, his state of mind became poisoned with self-pity, and his self esteem and confidence suffered, till at last he sank into a state of depression, with a distorted, negative self-image. All because he had refused to mentally “fight back” against the outrageous behavior he had been unfortunate enough to encounter.

His situation reminded me of an important concept I learned as a freshman psychology student at University: “anger is more useful than despair.”

While it is certainly true that anger is not an ideal state of mind to attract anything worthwhile into your life, it is EQUALLY true that anger is far more useful and productive to your state of mind than despair and depression. In fact, depression is actually anger turned inward (on the “self”), and it poisons the mindset in lots of ways, ruining otherwise healthy self-esteem. And depression is especially devastating — it is a feeling of hopelessness or victimization, and in my opinion, is the lowest emotional state a human being can resonate.

Anger on the other hand, while not ideal, is certainly a “higher” emotion than depression or hopelessness — much higher in fact. It is possible to accomplish a great deal in your life by acting out of anger, but you’ll get nowhere by acting out of hopelessness, depression or despair. In “Jim’s” case I encouraged him to go ahead and be outraged about the experiences he had dealt with and work through it. In fact, I counseled him to use that outrage and that anger as a catalyst to make big changes in his life, and to pursue things he had wanted in his life for years, but felt too “tore down” to take effective action.

I’m happy to report that “Jim” is doing a lot better these days. And yes, he did go through a stage of feeling quite angry. But it was a step up from the emotions of despair and depression that had lingered within him for so long; so in Jim’s case (and yours and mine), anger was definitely more useful than despair.

In time, of course, Jim moved beyond the anger, raising his vibration in a way that attracted better and better things into his life. But he was only able to get there by working through the anger, and not trying to deny it or “go around it.”

All of us who use the law of attraction want to keep a happy, positive, abundant and loving state of mind, because we know this will attract more of these positive things into our life. But we must never forget that we are all human beings, not computers! We are inperfect by nature, and that is absolutely OK. Keeping a positive state of mind, and using the law of attraction effectively is not a black-and-white issue. It’s about going after those better feelings, pursuing those thoughts of abundance, peace and happiness — and accepting our human fallibility when we sometimes don’t reach them. It is the effort that makes all the difference.